On the last day of the Michaelmas Term, the Head addressed pupils before they departed for the holidays.

As ever, it is lovely to share this service as a community today before we spend time apart in our different settings. While I am sure that we could have a guess at what happens in each other’s houses over Christmas, I think we would be surprised by the range and scale of difference between families in terms of their traditions: when do you open presents? When do you have the main Christmas meal? Do you have Christmas crackers at all and, if so, when do you pull them? Do you watch the King’s Speech? And so on. 

And that is before you think about people who have different faiths or traditions. I enjoyed one of the most inspirational visits of my year to Kensington Primary School in East Ham earlier this week. I went to see our WoLLoW scheme in action there but arrived just before their dress rehearsal of their Year 5 play, Christmas Around the World, featuring differing cultural traditions at this time of year in countries such as Turkey, Spain, Australia and the UK. The pupil population is 95% non-White British and the majority are from non-Christian families, so the sense of educational openness and inclusive celebration was intoxicating. 

Yet the consideration of reality during the upcoming holiday in different settings started for me somewhere else: the excellent resources prepared by our peer supporters in tutor slides to raise awareness around grief and National Grief Awareness Week which took place earlier this month. 

I am going to say more about this. If anyone finds the topics raised uncomfortable, pastoral staff are available towards the West End in order to offer support. 

Key points from the peer supporters’ slides were that: 

• grief is not confined to an emotion connected with death but may come as a result of many different types of loss; 
• people experience grief in a number of ways and there are different social expectations in different parts of the world; 
• the key is to communicate in ways which feel comfortable to the individual; 
• expert help is available for those who feel they need to talk. Relevant organisations include Nelson’s Journey, Norwich Mind and the Good Grief Trust. 

While statistical research undermines the commonly held belief that there is a spike in suicides at Christmas time, there is no doubt that this “season of good cheer” is not experienced as such by all people. You may think that this is not an appropriate topic for this address, but I take my lead from the peer supporters’ advice: we need to talk about these difficult topics to break down taboos about them. On a separate but related theme, earlier in the term the 6th Form heard an excellent address about men’s mental health on International Men’s Day, where again the need for open and honest communication was highlighted. 

We had the treat which was the Choreography Competition at the start of this week. The winning entry in the senior category was a duet by Leah Feetham and Aggie Johnson called “To my sister”, its theme of love and loss is particularly poignant for this address.

The theme of grief ties in with one of the most powerful books I have read this year. It is called 3 Dads Walking – 300 Miles of Hope and was written by three fathers who walked across the country in 2022 to raise awareness and money for the suicide charity PAPYRUS because they had each lost a daughter in this way. There was a particular Norfolk connection because one of the fathers is from here and the walk finished in this county. 

The book was harrowing, certainly, but there was also a message of hope and practical action which was inspirational. Some key statistics and messages that I took from the book were as follows: 

• On average, 135 people are directly affected when an individual takes their own life; 
• Suicide is the biggest killer in those under 35 in this country; 
• Those closest to people who have died by suicide are 80-300% more likely to take own lives; 
• The main message from the three fathers to avoid the shocking devastation that they experienced was to keep talking:  “talk, talk, talk”. They felt that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem…there is always away out, no matter how hard it seems”; 
• They recommended the PAPYRUS Hopeline 247 as a source of immediate, expert help.   

Talk talk talk: we certainly should not think it could never happen here. Indeed, I am in my 14th year at Norwich School and know that this community has experienced it directly. Having been involved in services of memorial and thanksgiving, for me, the points about the ripple effects of a young person’s death through families and friendship groups resonate strongly. 

Right time or wrong time to talk about this? In some ways, it can never be the right time so we just have to get over our reticence and make sure that the key points have been made. Also, Advent and Christmas are a joyful season for Christians but one must also remember that this time captures a moment of vulnerability in the shape of a baby. 

One of the aspects of the manger scene is to invite us to reflect on the preciousness and fragility of our lives and relationships. Another of my favourite moments this week has been the Special Schools Service which took place in here yesterday; it is why our presentation assemblies were on Wednesday and Friday. It is always humbling to see a congregation very different from this one sitting in these seats, a congregation of people facing significant challenges on a daily basis. Yet the atmosphere is one of unbridled joy; I am afraid to have to tell you that the cheer when the Christmas tree lights are turned on in the organ loft puts some of your singing in the morning to shame. 

During this upcoming holiday, keep your challenges in perspective and remain grateful for what you have. Do not be afraid to reach out if you need support and be there for each other as a network of friends if those around you are struggling. I trust that we are renewed in our wish to be forces for positive change within our families and the wider world, both at home in the coming weeks and as we prepare for the start of 2025. 

I wish you and your families a happy holiday.